My Mind Is Dying
by spawn0fhades
Summary: Dekka Talent survived the FAYZ, but her one true love did not. This is what happened to Dekka after the FAYZ.
1. Chapter 1 - madness begins

**sadly, i do not own any characters in this fanfiction, they belong to the fabulous yet heartless Michael Grant**

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Dekka screamed and cried but she knew it was all in vain.  
She was gone. Brianna was actually gone. The edges of her vision blackened until eventually she couldn't see Sam, Edilio, or anything. Just Brianna's face. Her beautiful and strong face, the one Dekka looked at with hope and love, is now pale and devoid of emotion.  
Dekka losses her tiny grip on reality and spirals down into darkness.

-3 years after the events of LIGHT-

Dekka pops open her tablet container and takes two of the tiny round life savers out. She sets them down next to her glass of water and takes a deep breath, she hasn't used these pills in a long time but she started seeing things again, who could blame her?  
Her counsellor asked her to write down whenever she sees things before she takes the pills, so she pulls out her notebook and writes the date in it.

_I saw Brianna again. I saw her in the sprinters on TV, in the trains I usually see from my apartment, even in cars sometimes. It isn't like I see her physically in the things I mentioned above, but I see her face instead of the sprinters' or the drivers'. I hate it I want to scream I want to die I did bad things I shouldn't live I shouldn't breathe  
__**I  
**__**Shouldn't  
**__**Be  
**__**Alive**_

Dekka slams the notebook down, her thoughts jumbling up again, screaming at her, memories and voices, she hits her head and pulls on her own hair.  
"ENOUGH!" Dekka screams and slams her hand down on the pills. She doesn't feel the pain, she hardly ever feels anything anymore.  
When she lifts her hand the pills are crushed. She wipes her hand on her jeans and, with shaky hands, tries to get two more pills out. Her whole arm jerks and the pill container flies halfway through the room. She falls to the ground and starts trembling, it hasn't been this bad in months, she should have been better, she should have been fixed. Tears start streaming down her face and she screams, her whole body jerking. She knows no one will come to help. She's alone in the world alone alone alone.  
Her body jerks again and her head hits the floorboards hard.  
Dekka wakes up cold and wet despite having a blanket thrown over her. She looks at where the pills used to be but there isn't anything there. Someone must have come in and cleaned this place while she was out.  
She stands up, takes her clothes off and walks into the bathroom. She twists the hot tap and let's the water run. Her mind is more at ease since her black out but Dekka decides to take her pills anyway. This time there isn't any horror show going on with her.  
She slips into the bath and her muscles instantly relax in the hot water. The little leather head rest helps her concentrate, oddly enough. Dekka closes her eyes and sleep eat away at her body.

Brianna  
Jack  
Mary  
Little Pete  
Caine  
E.Z  
DUCK  
HUNTER  
NONONONONONO!

Dekka jumps and cold water splashes everywhere. She can't control herself today. Dekka twists the hot water tap and pulls the plug. She leans back into the headrest but her mind is neck-deep in thought.  
What if she died in the FAYZ? Would she have showed up here? Would she have just died? What if Brianna had similar feelings for her? What if?  
She knows she shouldn't dwell on these thoughts but they're the only thing keeping her sane. That and the pills of course. These past months she's come to think of the orange container as a sort of life saver. Whenever she'd have her... Moments, she could just take her pills and everything would be okay. Suddenly a memory flashes in her minds eye. Train scraping, Sam, Toto and her being flung all around the compartment. Flying, sort of.  
The water started rising, Dekka thought it was just the tub filling up but then droplets detached themselves from the large mass of water and floated up to the ceiling. Dekka's arms were raised, how did she not notice this? The water rose higher and higher, centimetre by centimetre. Dekka herself was floating inches above the tub. The ceiling nearing her head with every passing second. She was hallucinating again, she knew that, she had no power in the real world. Only in the FAYZ. The FAYZ.  
Dekka picks up speed and hit the ceiling full on. Her vision reddens as she falls back towards the tub. She hits it with a sickening crunch. The water following soon after, missing the tub by inches, it hit the floor and flooded the room. Brianna rushed into the bathroom and the water drained out the door.

"You idiot!" She shouted as she walked over to the tub. "What were you doing?"

Dekka started to reply but stopped herself. _It's only an illusion.  
_She stood up, pain racking her body, and walked straight past Brianna, butt naked.  
She picked up the orange container and popped one pill into her mouth.  
Brianna disappeared and when Dekka walked into the bathroom, the water was in the tub.

"Stupidstupidstupidstupidstupid," Dekka muttered to herself.

Her head twitched.

"Of course you are," she told herself. "You thought that was real, idiot."

Twitch.

"Go AWAY!" Dekka screamed.

Twitch.

"No." Dekka demanded. "You are me and I am you, well, the less naked one, and the sane one."

Twitch.

"I didn't-I didn't-I didn't-" Dekka repeated herself.

Twitch.

"You're a fucking crazy bitch." Dekka replied. "You know that right? I mean look at you, you're standing here eating pills because you imagined that you could control gravity and your dead crush came back! You're a crazy dyke."

Twitch.

"N-no, I'm not crazy! I knew it wasn't real I knew it wasn't real!" Dekka begged.

Twitch.

"Kill yourself, you disgusting lesbian, you're worth nothing!" She spat the words out like they didn't mean a thing.

Twitch.

"_LEAVE ME ALONE!_" Dekka slammed her head against a nearby wall.

The words swam through her head.

She walked into the kitchen, her body shaking, and picked up her sharpest knife. She's losing it. No she's not. Yes she is. _Die dyke! _She screams and thrusts the knife into her stomach. Her blood slips through her fingers like that one time when she was five and she was on a rowboat with her dad, she stuck her hand into the water and the water glided through her fingers. She collapses to the floor, her blood forming a pool around her.

White. Dekka wonders if she's dead, when, a figure appears and looms over her. Brianna.

"BRIANNA!" She shouts, but the figures face changes.

A woman in her late thirty stands over Dekka, checking all the vital are okay. She has bright red hair and icy blue eyes. She has a soft expression on her face, a sort of pity for the girl that is loosing it before her very eyes. Dekka thrashes and screams for Brianna.

"Dekka," the nurse speaks in a soothing voice. "I'm going to put in some morphine," she rubs her belly, "for the pain."

The moment the turns turns the tap on the morphine drip, Dekka stops thrashing, despite not feeling any pain in her stomach. She wonders what the woman is talking about then remembers. She slowly drifts into unconsciousness as the morphine does its magic.

Sandra, that's the nurses name. After taking care of Dekka she walks out of the white sterile room and pulls out her phone. It's her break.  
She taps on the safari icon and searches for Dekka Talent on the FAYZ wiki.  
Ah, there we go.

_Dekka Talent is a 15 year old African-American girl with the ability to 'cancel gravity' from a small area, causing everything in the area to be lifted into the air. She was part of the Coates freaks who were trapped by Caine. She, along with Brianna and Taylor were saved by Sam. Dekka is a very internal person who does not talk about herself, especially not about her thoughts or feelings. Because of this, people consider her threatening and scary, but she's really not. She claims that being a little scary at Coates isn't a bad thing. She's tough and always there to help, even in dangerous situations. She is a lesbian and has a crush on Brianna. She has been faced with homophobia and racism, but she is comfortable in her own skin._

Brianna, isn't that the name Dekka was screaming?  
Sandra gasps, realising that Brianna is in fact, dead, that poor girl. Dekka must have seen her die, actually Dekka must have seen many people die in the FAYZ.  
Once she puts her phone away, Sandra walks back into poor Dekka's room. Out of all the people that survived the FAYZ sane, the people that don't need to be looked after, Dekka was the only one that stayed strong. But now, Sandra worried about her, after three years of being free, Dekka Talent finally lost it.

_-end of chapter one-_

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**_all reviews or comments are appreciated, thanks for reading :)_**


	2. Chapter 2 - death's veil

Chapter 2

Dekka wakes to the hum of machines. It all sounds underwater, the beeping of the heart monitor, the cars going past the hospital outside, everything, even her own voice.

Her head twitched.

"For fucks sake." Dekka tells herself. "You didn't do it properly you bitch."

Twitch

"Help!" She shouts, panic welling up inside her mind. "HELP! HELP HELP HELP HELP! SHES BACK SHES GOING TO KILL ME HELP!"

Nurses rush into the room. Sweat drips down Dekka's face.

Twitch.

"KILL HER YOU SLUTS!" Yells Dekka, then starts laughing until her breaths are wheezes.

"Give her morphine!" Yells Sandra.

"We can't give her morphine every time she has an attack!" Says a man with grey hair.

Twitch.

"No! JUST GIVE ME IT!" Dekka shouts at the squabbling pair.

Sandra rushes over to the morphine drip and turns the tap.

Twitch.

"THAT WON'T HOLD ME DOWN!" Dekka shouts, and starts laughing again. "I'M STRONGER THAN ALL YOU BITCHES!" Dekka strains against the four women holding her down and jumps off the bed, needles ripping out of her and dripping morphine on the floor.

Blood stains Dekka's arms as she runs through the corridors, ignoring the pain in her stomach and arms. She should have done this a long, long time ago. Fuck those stupid little pills. Dekka took them before her other self could gain control.

Dekka decides to name her better self Diana, thanks to her friend baring the same name. She's manipulative and crazy, just like her.

Diana keeps running through the corridors until finally she finds the large entrance hall.

Her head twitched just as she reaches the automatic glass doors.

Dekka screams and guards rush to her help.

"You need to tie me up!" Dekka demands.

"We can't do that sweetheart," one of the muscular men says as they escort her back towards her room.

"You have t-"

Twitch.

"I'm sorry but we can't tie you up. Its against our regulations." The man sighed in annoyance.

Aha, so that's what the bitch was trying to do. "I understand. I'm sorry for pestering." Diana lied.

"Its fine." The man said as he opened the door to Dekka's room and beckoned Diana inside. "Doctor will be with you in a minute, love."

The door shut behind her and when she was certain the man was gone she snuck out of the room and walked into one of the supply closets. She turned on the light and examined her arms. The blood was dry now, Diana picked up a filthy cloth, licked it, and got to work scrubbing her arms.

Sandra knew Dekka was helpless. The poor girl was probably suffering from multiple personality disorder, depression and many, many other mental illnesses. But Sandra couldn't give up, could she? Dekka fought so hard to stay alive and come out of the FAYZ, only to have reality crush her down like a worthless bug. Sandra had overheard some of the other nurses saying that Dekka's been alone since she came out of the FAYZ. Her parents emancipated her at 15, like one of the other survivors' parents did -but Sandra couldn't remember the name- gave her a wad of cash and left her. Just like that.

"I'm going out for a smoke," Sandra told the head nurse as she walked past her.

Once outside, she light her Malboro cigarette and sucked on the temporary relief from life. She blew out the smoke with a sigh and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

Three texts.

Her pulse quickened, as she checked them.

'You owe me the money.' The oldest text read.

'You have three hours.' The second oldest text read.

'Tick, tock.' The last text read.

She glanced at the clock in the top right corner. 11:50 and the texts were sent at 10 o'clock. Shaking, she thrust the phone back into her pocket and flicked the cigarette away. Without as much as a glance back, she ran to the car park and drove away.

Diana's head twitched.

Dekka didn't know where she was, she couldn't remember anything that diana did. Sometimes she could, but now was not one of those times. She seemed to be in supply closet, her arms stung and when she looked down she realised with a gasp what had happened. Her other self -Diana, as she called herself- had made another bid for freedom. Dekka screamed and screamed but no one came.

She ran to the door and tried to open it but it was locked and the key was hidden. Fuckfuckfuck what is she going to do no one can help her help her HELP HER SHE NEEDS TO GET OUT SHE CANT BREATH NO ONE CAN HELP HER.

Dekka slammed her head against the door and kept doing it until there were blood stains on the door. In her panic she hadn't realised there was a small window no one could see through inches away from where she was hitting her head. Dekka stopped hitting the door and punched right through the glass. Shards were sticking out of her arm when she pulled it back and blood dripped off it, again, she broke off the rest of the glass and tried unlocking the door from outside. The lock clicked and the door burst open. Dekka pulled her shattered arm out of the window once again and ran down the corridor screaming for help. Doctors and nurses rushed all around her but she couldn't stop running. Her arm throbbing but there was no pain. Doctors voices would pierce her ears but not travel to her brain. Mouths moved but made no noise. The world was spinning. Then all of a sudden Gaia appeared behind the Doctors.

Dekka ran, she ran and ran until her legs gave out and she fell to the floor. The shards of glass cutting into her stomach and chest. Gaia was just behind her. There was blood on her hands. She laughed. Dekka couldn't hear her but could see her eyes close and her mouth move. Dekka was shaking her limbs twichting but not her head. Diana would not come now. Not that her namesake's child was standing before both Dekka and her body. Brianna appeared out of thin are behind Gaia, then Justin, then Jack, one by one all the people that Gaia killed appeared behind her. The corridor was crowded, no doctors in sight, no nurses, Dekka was alone. Gaia's arms were pointed at Dekka, her palms towards her and her fingers sprawled.

"NO NO NO NO NO!" Dekka screamed and got to her feet, the world spun and she fell again.

The second time she got to her feet, she didn't fall but the edges of her vision blackened. She ran again, slamming into the walls everyso often. Dekka saw double. She still couldn't see any medical staff. She screamed for help, again and again. Her arm bleeding more than ever, when suddenly, Brianna ran to her. Dekka froze, concious of Gaia pursuing her.

Brianna kissed her, full on the mouth and whispered, "Wake up," in her ear. The first sound to make its way to Dekka's brain.

She fell to the floor with a sting in her arm, on the back of her elbow, and sleep dragged her down into nothingness.

A car was following her, Sandra was sure of that. It has followed her ever since she left the hospital car park. Sandra had to get the money, she had to. She had spent countless, sleepless nights thinking of ways to pay back the $2,000. She finally had it. She finally could come out of debt from a stupid teenager-phase of her life.

She heard a whistle blowing and ignored it, two seconds later her car exploded.

-end of chapter 2-


End file.
